Surfing IQ Test – Nosedrip

What's Your Surfing IQ?

Are you as core as your mom thinks?

Or maybe you're even more brilliant and savanty than you know.

18 questions. Choose the smartest answer. No whining about the scoring.

This test has been certified *The Most Scientifically Accurate Test of Surfing Intelligence Ever Created* by the SSI, a major institute with lots of respect and a nice lobby.

1 / 18

This fin setup is called:

Threesie

Thruster

FCS

FFF

2 / 18

What makes surfers so damn cool?

Every one has a lifetime of jiu jitsu training, along with being a musician.

Because they didn't fail into a life of aimlessness, they chose a life of aimlessness.

You live in a world where time gets hazy, the buzz is free and there is no math.

Name anything else where it's actually way better for your rep if you don't drive a nice car.

3 / 18

The Endless Summer had this effect on a generation of surfers:

It introduced us to exotic locations and different cultures and some lucky sons of b---s.

It introduced other cultures to our love of coming to their villages and flaunting our wealth and cool stuff.

It created a $65 billion surf travel industry that scores great waves over 9% of the time.

It changed the way we look at life, in that we didn't really have to participate if we'd rather surf a lot.

4 / 18

Please watch this clip from filmmaker Brent Weldon:

Your brain flashed to...:

Snapper

Malibu

Pipe

Trestles

Uluwatu

Pen Gu

5 / 18

As the sport's governing competitive body, the World Surf League's biggest ongoing challenge is with:

Athletes who complain about being judged unfairly in a sport based solely on subjective judging.

A lack of corporate skyboxes where billionaire donors may be plied with alcohol and other treats.

A general confusion about how WSL season competition works, even though it never changes at all from year to year.

An Olympic Committee that is too stupid to hold Olympic Surfing events every four months instead of years.

6 / 18

7 / 18

8 / 18

Please share your deep introspective literary opinion on William Finnegan's Pulitzer Prize-winning book, Barbarian Days:

The movie will undoubtedly star a great surfing actor with exceptional balance who doesn't need a stuntman.

It harkened back to days of my youth, of waves, wine, women and mooching off my parents for travel money.

464 pages is a lot of pages, maybe the most ever.

A guy traveled. He surfed. Now he lives in New York City. Bummer dude, but more waves for me, so thanks.

9 / 18

Watch as much or as little of this video from Stab as you need to be able to answer...

Now, what's wrong with Stephanie Gilmore's approach to surfing in this video?

She isn't nearly violent enough with the lip. The lip is the enemy. Destroy the lip.

That longboarder on her wave needs to be taught a lesson. She's the Queen of Snapper no matter where she goes.

I hate the way the board looks under her feet. It would look better under my feet.

No claims? What?

10 / 18

In the above gopro footage screengrab, what societal changes were most important as surfing became a cornerstone of Polynesian life?

Surfing created distinct power hierarchies between regular footers and those who would be sacrificed next.

The activity created many trades like shapers, draggers, unbarkers and chopper downers.

Important life skills like grumpiness, irritation and impatience were cultivated in their impressionable youth.

Any brutal series of flat days quickly taught the astute islanders that there is in fact no god.

11 / 18

For some reason, tourists with the absolute stupidest tattoos ever inked into skin all seem convene on these beaches:

The Outer Banks, NC (OBX, known as the Redneck Riviera)

Florida's Gulf Coast (Also known as the Redneck Riviera)

The Texas Gulf Coast (Also known as the Redneck Riviera)

The South Atlantic Coast (Also known as the Redneck Riviera)

12 / 18

Please watch this clip from the documentary Surfwise:

What did this moment in surfing history teach us?

Jack Johnson's competition had very little game.

It may indeed be possible that some obsessive surfing parents take it a little too far.

This prophet was able to foretell the future quality of most surfing video soundtracks.

A childhood crammed into the stankiest RV in history isn't as awesome as it might seem.

13 / 18

Use your oceanical expertise and study the above diagram of a beach-break rip current pattern. Before paddling out, determine where the biggest assholes will be sitting:

They will sit in the area off the left side of the top of arrow 1.

They will sit in the area off the right side of the top of arrow 1.

They will sit in the area off the left side of the top of arrow 2.

They will sit in the area off the right side of the top of arrow 2.

14 / 18

The most important thing to know about encountering wildlife while in the ocean is this:

All those fishermen who cluck "I KNOW what's out there" are really just chicken to go in the water.

If you perish alone in pain, fighting like hell that's better than months in bed while twerps dote on you.

Everyone respects that crocodile guy and the stingray. RIP man, walked the walk.

Box jellyfish kill like 40 times as many people each year as sharks. Do the right thing, get them a theme song.

15 / 18

Please watch this clip:

At the 2006 Pipeline Masters in a heat against Kelly Slater, Rob Machado and Cory Lopez, this wave by Andy Irons was given a 10. It was:

Underscored.

Overscored.

Scored correctly.

He should have gone left.

16 / 18

Blue Crush, Big Wednesday, Surf's Up and North Shore all have this in common:

Every character from Hawaii was way cooler than everyone else, so as is their custom they acted like it.

Big waves were just a metaphor for the eternal battle against greed, tyranny and drowning.

The casting of plus-sized surfers is a difficult sell in Hollywood development meetings.

The best surfer is always the coolest, just like at school the best student is always the coolest.

17 / 18

Which guy is a pro?

The one who could do a cutback without snapping both fibulas.

The one who could do a floater and not get paralyzed.

The one who actually at some point attempted a bottom turn.

The guy on the right, obviously.

18 / 18

Please watch this clip:

What critical piece of cinematic genius did we learn at this moment of the film?

Bell's Beach looks way too much like the Oregon coast. The Victoria tourism guys should do something about that.

Surfing and acting are both beautiful in that even if you train all day every day, you still might suck at it.

Prior to climate change, great surfers had much better hair.

That kid was a damn liar. Surfing's not the source. Handcuffs are the source.

Get your

Certificate of Much Higher Intelligence Than Others!

This is not required. However, if you'd like a fancy frameable PDF certificate with your name that proves you're a lot smarter than those dregs who sit out there in the water shooting their mouths off all day, fill it out. (We aren't collecting email or names, we don't care about that).